My name is Jane, and if you asked me two years ago if I was an artist or considered myself a creative person, I would probably scoff and tell you no. I’ve had a rough life with multiple ongoing traumas throughout most of my childhood, several abusive relationships, multiple suicide attempts, and a lot of substance use to self-medicate. My self-esteem was nonexistent. I’ve been in the mental health system since age 12, and have been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Major Depressive Disorder (Severe, Recurrent), and Opioid Use Disorder (Severe).
When you’re really depressed like I was, it’s hard to find joy in anything, let alone have a lot of hobbies or interests. I wanted a hobby though, other than the self destructive “coping” mechanisms I had. As an alter in a DID system, so much of our life has to be shared among all of the alters. Most of the other alters had plenty of passions and hobbies of their own, so I wanted to have something that was just mine as well.
So, in the summer of 2019, I learned about paint pouring and decided maybe it was something I could do that would be a fun, nice hobby that wasn’t self destructive. I watched tons of videos, read up on what supplies I would need, and jumped in. I was hooked! For two days. I messed up one of my first paintings that I really loved by picking it up before it was fully dry, and I put the paints away.
But in the summer of 2020, I decided to give it another try. And I haven’t stopped since. Instead I’ve watched even more videos, joined a bunch of Facebook groups where I could admire others’ work and get tips and tricks, learned new techniques and applications for the art (like making paint skins and crafting jewelry out of them), and I even enrolled in SheleeArt’s E-course to learn her bloom technique.
I’ve gone from a very depressed, chronically suicidal drug addict with no self-esteem or non-self-destructive interests, to someone who is absolutely passionate about painting, has gained some self-esteem through compliments on my art, and is clean and sober. So yes, I am an artist and definitely consider myself a creative person.
I came up with the name “Borderline Creative” because of my Borderline Personality Disorder and also a play on words because not everyone considers paint pouring to be “real art”. (Trust me though, it is!)